For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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