fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
