Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
