is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
