The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
