Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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