They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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