: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
