your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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