Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
