Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
