pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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