Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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