guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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