we have pet lesbian snakes
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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