That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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