there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize