i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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