why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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