Screwed.edu
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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