Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I want to fling myself into the sun
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
