alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
