Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
