i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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