at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
