my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
