Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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