I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
