i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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