my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
