my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
