That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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