youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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