I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
