sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
