Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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