we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
