well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dude i'm inner monologue high
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
