Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
