Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
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