I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize