Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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