Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize