Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize