God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
