i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
