Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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