you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
then he tried to convert me to islam
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
