Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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