There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
