Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
