My balls are so social today.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
