I think my fart just growled at me.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
