I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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