I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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