Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
