we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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