My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
