BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
