And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
