Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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