it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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