i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
