Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
