Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
