Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
