I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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