just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
