Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
