I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
someone owes me an orgasm
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
