Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
