He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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