Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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