You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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