Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
