I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
