What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
