I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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